An efforts to be aware

I remember an incident that took place nearly 8 years back. One day, when I was writing something on my copy from my textbook, then I realized one thing; I was not focused on what I was writing. In other words, I was physically there however, I was thinking of the past events at the same time. In a nutshell, my mind was not in the present moment. I became really worried about my concentration. I tried to bring my concentration to the present but in few minutes again I used to lose my concentration. This used to happen in other day but that day, I became really aware about this and asked a question to myself, ‘Why am I losing my concentration?’ Couldn’t I remain aware all the time on the activity that I am doing? I didn’t find any person whom I could ask these questions and also there was not internet facilities like today where I could goggle my questions. The questions remained unanswered inside me.

Time went on. Several months later, I watched a video (which talks on meditation) on an Indian TV channel. In the video a very famous person, Osho, was giving a discourse on a meditation technique and it’s importance to his disciple. Listening to the video, I knew that meditation helps to develop consciousness in a man and is a tool to make person to be in the present. I really became curious since I was getting my unanswered questions. I got interested in the talks of Osho then onwards. Every day I used to watch the program called ‘Oshodhara’ on an Aastha channel that runs from 7PM to 7:30PM where Osho old video talks is played (Osho died 25 years back and 1000 of his discourses videos are available). I learnt two meditation techniques through Osho talks. The one is of related with breathing technique (In the technique, one has to become aware with inhaling and exhaling breath). The other is witnessing the thought. In the witnessing technique one has to close the eyes and watch his/her thoughts with full awareness.

I practiced the witnessing technique because I have found it little comfortable and easy in doing. In the beginning, it was really hard to watch the inner thoughts without losing my concentration. Hardly for a minute could I watch my thought in total awareness and then in the next moment,
either I started thinking of past events or future. I kept on practicing this technique now and then. Whenever, I have a stress in the mind. Using the witnessing technique I have experienced the inner dialogue gradually sublimating and ultimately gives a peace in the mind.

In the course of time, Two years later, I came from my hometown (Dhangadhi) to Kathmandu to pursue my Plus2 level. In my spare time, I used to go to Zero Point (an internet facility area; my friend has recommended me since the speed of net was too high) in Baneswor and used to
download Osho talks and then watched them later on my laptop.

In one of the video, Osho was giving an example on an awareness that happened in Buddha life. During Buddha time, once Buddha was giving a discourse to his disciple and suddenly a housefly sat on the forehead of Buddha. Buddha then moved his hand towards his forehead to make a housefly go away from there. The housefly went away. Again, Buddha immediately moved his hand to the same place, there was no housefly then, though. A disciple became surprise seeing this activity of Buddha. The disciple asked a question to the Buddha, ‘God, first you moved your hand to your forehead because there was housefly. But I couldn’t understand why did you moved your hand next time although there was not housefly?” Buddha replied, “I moved the hand in beginning mechanically without being aware that I was moving. Suddenly, I remembered that I moved my hand without my awareness. Therefore, I moved my hand in the next time with my awareness.” It was a great learning for me. We do many activities in a day, but rarely became aware and conscious to the activities. I may be eating food physically but the mind is always somewhere else. I may be walking but the mind is feeding on the events of past. It is like we have everything but we don’t have ourselves.

With the passage of time, I kept on knowing different techniques on mediation to develop awareness. I knew about another technique which is called double arrowed consciousness. This technique says, ‘Remember yourself along with what you are doing in the external world.” Gurdjieff used self-remembering as a basic technique in the West. If we are aware on what we
are doing then this mediation. Closing eyes and become aware of the breathing or witnessing the thought is not only a mediation. For almost 2 and half years I have been practicing double arrowed consciousness. It was very difficult to be aware to the activity of external world initially. I started practicing this technique in my walking, in my talking and in listening the lecture of the teachers. While I was walking, I make an effort to move my steps consciously. Initially, the conscious happened to remain for nearly 10 or 12 seconds and after that mind has already started thinking of the past or the future. Again, I have to make an effort to bring it to the present. I tell you it was really difficult in the beginning.

However, I didn’t give up. I keep on continuing. Gradually and gradually, it is becoming easy as my consciousness started remain for some minutes. Nowadays, I don’t have to do more effort than the earlier. The technique is going on. This has become a miraculous for me. I have become more aware to what I am talking. My concentration has been strengthened.